Existential bs

August 21, 2008

Existential bs.....Perhaps I  have too much time on my hands ...thinking lots...writing some of it down....could be an age thing or just being nestled in the redwoods as I listen to the bubbling creek that runs by me. 


Do you ever think that all you've ever done, however beautiful or  repulsive...you did IT just for the sake of knowing....??

Guess I'll continue writing in  the first person....don't want to lay this on you.....

Only by doing whatever I did, I did IT to learn from IT....

That's why I'm here......to learn that wherever I am, I am there for no other reason than I want to be there.

For as long as I can remember I have thought and said the words "this lifetime"....which can only mean this one ... not the last one ... or the future one.

So I am here this lifetime because I wish to be.....to play out this illusion....to experience all that my soul needs in order to fulfill in wisdom ....the pain, the sorrow, the joy, the peace....to rescue myself from dogmatic beliefs, ritualistic practices, laws...anything that can limit my thought process.

My granddaughter at the age of 4 or 5 informed me of this....."there are no mistakes", she said.... without one act another would not have happened...her example....she tells my ex-husband, her maternal grandfather this "I'm so happy you and gramma Pat got divorced".  Surprised, he asked "Why?"  She replied matter-of-factly- "Well, if you didn't, I wouldn't have my gramma Ruth."  Ruthie is her grandpa's 2nd wife.

If I love myself, I will listen to myself.....to see what IT needs to feel....then pursue IT til I'm bored with IT....when boredom sets in, it is a sign that I have learned all there is to learn from that experience ...... then.... it is time to move on to another adventure....the one calling my name....the one that lies only in me...not another.

When I judge others for doing what I think is weird , silly or stupid...I want to remember..it's their path...when boredom sets in, they will get to another adventure....I hope others will know the same about me when I do the silly, the weird, the stupid.......yadayadayada!!!!!

now....remember....I said in the beginning....this was bs.....
~~~~~~~
"If you can see your path laid out
in front of you step by step, you know
it's not your path. Your own path you
make with every step you take. That's
why it's your path."
~ Joseph Campbell

My Time in San Quentin

July 18, 2008 - Friday 

Scott Peterson has a blog.....from his entin jail cell.  When I read that, it reminded me of my time at San Quentin.  The date was October 3, 1996.

That was the day the verdict came back....I'll never forget the words, "We the jury find the defendant, Orenthal James Simpson, not guilty."

Where were you that day? 

A friend was a prison guard at San Quentin.  My niece and I had remarked that it would be interesting to be inside... not realizing it would be possible.  He got it approved rather quickly and suggested our attire should not be provocative........that sounded easy enough!

After we signed our lives away....literally.......if we are held hostage...absolutely no negotiations, no exchanges, no bargaining.....and.....something about...if the SWAT team is called, we are automatically considered a prisoner and are treated as such........that should have been enough for reasonable ladies to change their minds.....

For me, angst entered my body and mind as we were led through the huge iron creaking door....you know that door we've seen so often in movies.....when that door shut, my legs began to wobble and the sick feeling I had at that moment I can recall immediately....at the thought..  Now, I was old enough to know better....my niece may not have been. 

We saw the huge library (mostly law books), met the librarian and saw some inmates.  We chatted with the chaplain in the chapel.  He invited us to return on a day there was a service as he praised the talent of some inmates.  I fully intended to return...We passed the cafeteria (the deadliest area of the prison)...I found that out years later from LockUp on MSNBC ...a show about prisons.

We were taken to the floor where the inmates lived and the floor where our friend was a guard.  A few rules....not many....."don't ask what they're in for and for how long".....sounded reasonable.  I don't know where my niece was but I was being shown around a tiny cell with 4 beds by 3 inmates...don't know where the guard was either.  They couldn't tell me fast enough why they were there, what they were accused of, and that they were 'lifers'.  I did ask them about rape issues in prisons......they assured me it didn't happen on their floor and they sounded truthful.....they also told me they didn't kill their ladies...just convicted of the crime....and that sounded truthful......I am not gullible!

The television was blarring, an announcement was made that the jury was returning with a verdict.  My new friends were very interested.  I was as well. 

Some were standing, some sitting on the bed glarring at the TV......and then...... "We the jury find the defendant, Orenthal James Simpson, not guilty." .....

To say jubilance filled the room would be understated.....and you'd better believe I was expressing a bit of joy myself!  I would not debate these men today! 

I hadn't missed a word of the entire trial and wasn't surprised at the verdict.  The prosecution did not prove its case....my opinion.  So the verdict did not strike me with wonder and astonishment.

On the way out we were treated to beautiful murals that adorned the walls painted by the inmates...heard and saw a pack of the prisoners coming in from work or play?.....It seemed like 100 men and 1 guard.  My perception only....I didn't inquire as to the ratio.  Viewed cases of weapons conviscated from cells....what ingenious and creative prisoners!

On the outside, I remember being shown the top floor....that floor that housed some pretty famous people waiting to die.  As some of the names were mentioned, I felt relief to be leaving.....the stalker, the hillside murderer, the CRIP co-founder, the Polly killer.................now there is.........

Scott Peterson...the wife killer...oh sorry....he says he's innocent!  Some people are looking for the real killers....meanwhile Scott can get in some great blogging ...as he waits....

Then there is OJ on the outside looking for the murderers and in his own prison.....

Where were you that day? 

WWS = Writing While Sick

July 11, 2008 - Friday
 
Rhetorical Randomness
 
I know it's time to go
Where this time
Is it important to know now
 
Pacific Coast Highway
Not too hot this July
Diesel prices high
This summer of 08
 
Mexico feels nice
Snorkel, Margaritas, Friends
New Orleans in February
Mardi Gras, Masks, and Friends
 
Cannot decide
Is it important to know now
 
Is this about travel
And where I'll go
Is this about Longings
Memories Heartbreak
 
Pain Denial Deceit Chaos Ache
Joy Adventure Rainbows Music
Squirm in my head and toes
Petals fall leaving ripples in the ocean
 
I know it's time to go
It doesn't matter where
It is not important to know now
 
These rhetorical random thoughts
Tantalize me when I'm sick....
 
I am now feeling better.....

Fires & Festivals

7/3/08

An update on the Cal eee fooooor neeee ahhhhh fires aka California fires.... &
tentative plans, etc...

Some of you are asking about the many fires in our state.....they are everywhere around me but not right in my face. Phoebe McGee (my RV) has much ash on her, TaZzi & I are coughing more than usual (had to bring out the inhaler for me - TaZ doesn't know how to use it...yet)! My redwood forest is not burning...TG.....no fires allowed here at the resort....

Just returned from a 3-day music festival Welcome to the 2009 Kate Wolf Memorial Music Festival, in Mendocino County (very near fires) and it was wonderful....my friend, Helen, went with me and, although very hot, we had a memorable time. Here are some of the pic.

Cooling off in the nearby river.

Our very nice, lovely, & photogenic neighbors that shared our space for 3 days on the ground.









Some of the performers..










and Helen and I






There's a good chance that I'll travel to Cabo San Lucas, MX area for a few months....working out plans for that now.....if I do that, will leave September or October. Will caravan....so don't worry about me traveling alone......!! Also may head north (Oregon, Washington, Vancouver) for a few weeks. Was planning a Big Sur stay but only fires and fire-fighters live there now.......

Gotta go now.....woke up with an idea I must begin planning...lots of kids out here at the resort this week.....so am going to get them together for a lemon-aid stand and hot dog sale for tomorrow with funds for our fire-fighters....hope it works.

Happy Safe 4th....Pat...

from Poet's Heart by Kate Wolf......

"And you in your elegance and humor
fill the room
your love and your concern
Your anger at the injustice of man's
narrowness and fear
I thank you for being here"

...death...life...

May 27, 2008 - Tuesday 

My sweet, and one of my favorite cousins, died today.  She was my flower girl in my wedding in 1960 and about 5 years old.  We had lost touch for a few years.  While traveling last year in my RV I went to see her in Dallas.  We had so much fun teasing each other, reminiscing, eating, laughing....how much sadder I would  be if I hadn't gone to see her .... 
 
It was just a few short months ago when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer & was told she just had a few months...that was so....
 
My Mother and Judy's father were siblings....she is survived by her husband Steve, 2 sons, her Mother (almost 90) and 3 brothers.  Another brother died several years ago much too early....
 
I will miss you my sweet beautiful Judy....brown eyes!
~~~~~~~~
We are but tenants and shortly the great landlord will give us notice that our lease has expired.

Joseph Jefferson
1829-1905, American Comic Actor

"on account of the feud"

April 14, 2008 - Monday 

~from the Adventures
of Huckleberry Finn~Mark Twain




"Did you want to kill him, Buck?"
    "Well, I bet I did."
    "What did he do to you?"
    "Him?  He never done nothing to me."
    "Well, then, what did you want to kill him for?"
    "Why, nothing---only it's on account of the feud."
    "What's a feud?"
    "Why, where was you raised?  Don't you know what a feud is?"
    "Never heard of it before---tell me about it."
    "Well," says Buck, "a feud is this way:  A man has a quarrel with another man, and kills him; then that other man's brother kills him; then the other brothers, on both sides, goes for one another; then the cousins chip in----and by and by everybody's killed off, and there ain't no more feud.  But it's kind of slow, and takes a long time."
    "Has this one been going on long, Buck?"
    "Well, I should reckon!  It started thirty years ago, or som'ers along there.  There was trouble 'bout something, and then a lawsuit to settle it; and the suit went agin one of the men, and so he up and shot the man that won the suit---which he would naturally do, of course.  Anybody would."
    "What was the trouble about, Buck?---land?
    "I reckon maybe---I don't know."
    ""Well, who done the shooting?  Was it a Grangerford or a Shepherdson?"
    "Laws, how do I know?  It was so long ago."
    "Don't anybody know?"
    "Oh, yes, pa knows, I reckon and some of the other old people; but they don't know now what the row was about in the first place."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Does this explain why violence of any kind continues anywhere....from  gangs to the mafia to the Middle East....?  The human mind is complicated and mostly predictable. 

Must this be our plight....our status quo?  It is the stuff of books, for sure.  Can the chains of our pasts be liberated, can our neighbors not be the enemy,  can we build bridges by asking the right questions? 

We must keep discussions of all subjects alive.....our pasts are essential to our identity....our tomorrows can be different from our yesterdays... 

from Gypsy Mama....the idealist...the dreamer

travel rants & glorious reunion

4/2/08

I've discovered my addiction! Suspecting before it had to do with my computer...am now diagnosing it after 4 days with no connections....no wi-fi...no hot spot. My phone is also weak and rarely works.

Not that I complain. Could not do that after an absolutely fabulous week south of Tucson....in Benson. A reunion with a couple I met last year there and adding 3 more couples. Quite a diverse group representing .... Texas ... California .... and our new friends from Canada....Quebec and Ottawa. We blended perfectly with our food, our happy hour, our interests in travel & different cultures.....our pets....Rving.....etc. Now I know I must learn Spanish & French. They spoke so many languages & I didn't. Gotta get that Rosetta Stone program.

















You may remember from my last email I was going to spend 2 weeks here in Yuma, then go to El Golfo, Sonora, Mexico. Didn't do enough research on that plan. Not a good time of year, no snorkeling, water (Sea of Cortez) not good for swimming, no escort to get there....so change in plans. Just don't know what they are yet. Will be back in Santa Cruz for a few weeks in May/June.

As you all know, diesel has gotten so expensive, I'm having to be quite conservative in spending. Am trying to do a new budget and rethink the way I travel....pray that I don't have to go back to work!!!!! That will be my last choice.

Hope you all are doing well....I am.....and am catching up on my reading...

Peace & Joy......pat

Southern California...Arizona

3/2/08

By now you know the story....when you haven't heard from me for this long.....I must be in some beautiful but remote place....YUP!

For a few days I spent time with friends in Niland, CA (Saltan Sea area...near the Mexican border & the Chocolate Mountains). The Fountain of Youth Spa & Hot Springs Resort.... is a very active community of about 800 energizer-wound-up bunnies....I wonder, no longer, how they stay so young; hence the name of their community. Unfortunately, I had a bit of a fever and couldn't participate actively while there...but had a great time. Thanks...Susan, Hugh, Charlie!







I'm now at K.Q. Ranch Resort in historical Julian, CA.....known originally for gold strikes ... now it's about the "apples" baby! Better apple pie than my aunt Pearl's! This area is also called "The Imperial Valley" and is near the Mexican border.







On Monday, I'm off to Desert Hot Springs, then on to Arizona.....will see an old friend in Phoenix, then to Benson (Tombstone Territory) for a reunion with friends I met last year at a resort there.... can't wait Susan & Mike!

Don't know when I can send this out but am writing Saturday. March 1st.....my beautiful granddaughter's 15th birthday...say it isn't so ....

Ciao for now.....& remember.....

a piece of the peace I have in this gypsy life-style I've chosen, depends on you.....hearing from you and knowing what's up with you.

Hold up in Santa Cruz

January 22, 2008

I know it's time to update you all when I begin getting emails saying "where are you?" I'm missing the road a bit but I am really enjoying being at home seeing friends, spending time with relatives, and kicking back (more than usual). It has been very cold and I'm not used to that. It even snowed a bit up here yesterday in the Santa Cruz mountains, where I'm staying. I've handled most of my appointments....still have to get my teeth cleaned and get my taxes done and figure out who I'm voting for (that's the hard task) and see a few more friends.

For those of you in the Santa Cruz area who still want to see me.....email me and let me know what a good time will be. My phone is weak and I don't always get messages (too many redwood trees?)

Last year, I put 30,000 miles on Phoebe McGee. In 2008, I will not do that. When I leave here, I will head for warmth... the desert (Palm Springs area), Arizona, and Mexico (Sea of Cortez) until it begins to get really hot. Then may head to Pacific Northwest and more of Canada. Have friends up there and it's a beautiful area. I've been there before but not when I could stay a while.

TaZzi is getting lots of walks and is loving that....good for me too. However, she does not like the rain and sleet and does her business rather quickly on those days.

Hope you all are doing well. Write and let me know what you're up to. For those of you retired.....isn't it the absolute best!? For those of you not retired; your day will come!

Love and Peace and Joy to you all.... Pat

...Post Holiday Ponderings.......

January 2008

Relaxed...peaceful.....awaiting "a storm"....

Entertaining....cooking.....eating....libation....

Friends...Family...

Hiking, Walking TaZzi....

Listening to the River flow close by....

 Briefly thinking beyond NOW!

Will leave my beautiful Redwood Grove home soon...

Heading to the desert...

 Warm weather....

Remembering for now....

 Words of Emily Dickinson...

"We turn not older with years, but newer every day"

...Political Considerations.....

01/08


again the time...for

sound bites....

kissing babies....

partial truths....

media hype.....

surprises....

"change"...

inspiration.....

 listen~watch~hope

something different may happen....

this time, better than last.....?

perhaps....yes, definitely....

what if we allowed the truth

what if....

we voted for the person we really

believed in....

there's that

electoral process....

there's that

way funds are raised...

there are those delegates...

super delegates....

"is there.....

no more independence in politics than there is in jail -- as Will Rogers said?"



 

 

Aftermath of Katrina~New Orleans

November 1, 2007

I'm still on the road with my sis. We just left Florida (visited family & friends there). Headed for California now and stopped in New Orleans. Deanie has never been here....only here for a day and spent 4 hours on a post-Katrina tour. Glad we did that....very informative. The pictures were taken from the tour bus and some are pretty lop-sided....but much of the town is that way as well....so you may not be able to tell. Included in the photos are levees, trailers in front yards, Deanie with the excellent tour guide (a native), me, Botanical Gardens.






































When we returned from the tour we had some great New Orlean's food.....and continued heading west.

Vermont Fall 2007 traveling with my sister

October 2007

When my sis and I were traveling in the fall of 2007, I didn't have much time to blog. I will post some of the pictures of a few of the beautiful northeastern spots where we spent time.

'kickin' it with my sis'

October 12, 2007, 4:41 pm


After picking up my sis and spending some quality time in and around Virginia Beach, Williamsburg, 
Jamestown, Yorktown, and visiting friends in Richmond, we are now in Massachusetts. Tomorrow we will take a ferry to Martha's Vineyard, then head to New Hampshire (to hook-up with more friends) then on to Maine for more "leaf-peeking".
The ferry to Martha's Vineyard.

We were in Boston yesterday....weather....finally has cooled down....lots.....high 50's....low 60's. Just perfect for this California gal.


It's a bit crowded in "Phoebe McGee" (my RV) but we're making it just fine.

Doing laundry now ($4.00 a load) ouch!

More later......Gypsy Mama

Kansas City to Virginia

September 24, 2007, 10:38 pm


I'm now in Richmond, VA on my way to Virginia Beach.  My sister is flying out to meet me on Tuesday and we will then tour the New England States for the spectacular fall colors......then slowly head back south on the coast stopping wherever we please.  Our brother and his family are in Florida....after visiting them and a friend in Naples, we will head back cross country to Santa Cruz, CA.  I will spend the holidays at home, then head out again.

I now have my new 20" TV in "Phoebe McGee" and it's really nice.  After it was replaced in Minot, N. D., I headed for Kansas City to visit with friends and former neighbors in CA. Arn & Rosemary in KC.




From museums to movies to blues festivals to restaurants to cooking to football games...it was an incredible experience.  Kansas City is a beautiful city..


When I left them, I was spontaneous the entire time....ending up in charming Hannibal~Mark Twain~country...seeing his boyhood home, the museum, the Becky Thatcher House, and I stayed at an RV park by the cave where Tom and Becky got lost in "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer".


A few more caves in Kentucky, then on to Cincinnati, OH to visit a high school friend and his wife for a few days. Mick & Brenn It's so much fun visiting friends interspersed with "prairies, cowboys, rivers, lakes, buffalo"....just the right balance.

I loved West Virginia (the only "northern state" during the Civil War).  Spent a few days around Lewisburg in the Allegheny Mountains.  The Victorian architecture and art centers and luxury resorts and the look of contentment on the faces of the tourist and the small town inhabitants say it all.....it is featured in National Geographic's Guide to Small Town Escapes and the 100 Best Small Art Towns in America.







I also stayed in the small community of Charlottesville, VA .... small but 'oh, so large in history'.....considered by some 'the best place to live in America'.....some name drops include....Thomas Jefferson, Lewis and Clark, James Monroe, James Madison....now home to authors John Grisham, Anne Bettie, Rita Mae Brown and of course, The University of Virginia.



Edgar Allen Poe Museum
                                                  While in Richmond I will have a few days to explore some nearby attractions, i.e., Edgar Allen Poe Museum and many other museums and the Pamunkey Indian Reservation.....and then head for Virginia Beach to meet my sis......

gypsy mama~