Existential bs

August 21, 2008

Existential bs.....Perhaps I  have too much time on my hands ...thinking lots...writing some of it down....could be an age thing or just being nestled in the redwoods as I listen to the bubbling creek that runs by me. 

Do you ever think that all you've ever done, however beautiful or  repulsive...you did IT just for the sake of knowing....??

Guess I'll continue writing in  the first person....don't want to lay this on you.....

Only by doing whatever I did, I did IT to learn from IT....

That's why I'm here......to learn that wherever I am, I am there for no other reason than I want to be there.

For as long as I can remember I have thought and said the words "this lifetime"....which can only mean this one ... not the last one ... or the future one.

So I am here this lifetime because I wish to be.....to play out this illusion....to experience all that my soul needs in order to fulfill in wisdom ....the pain, the sorrow, the joy, the peace....to rescue myself from dogmatic beliefs, ritualistic practices, laws...anything that can limit my thought process.

My granddaughter at the age of 4 or 5 informed me of this....."there are no mistakes", she said.... without one act another would not have happened...her example....she tells my ex-husband, her maternal grandfather this "I'm so happy you and gramma Pat got divorced".  Surprised, he asked "Why?"  She replied matter-of-factly- "Well, if you didn't, I wouldn't have my gramma Ruth."  Ruthie is her grandpa's 2nd wife.

If I love myself, I will listen to myself.....to see what IT needs to feel....then pursue IT til I'm bored with IT....when boredom sets in, it is a sign that I have learned all there is to learn from that experience ...... then.... it is time to move on to another adventure....the one calling my name....the one that lies only in me...not another.

When I judge others for doing what I think is weird , silly or stupid...I want to remember..it's their path...when boredom sets in, they will get to another adventure....I hope others will know the same about me when I do the silly, the weird, the stupid.......yadayadayada!!!!!

now....remember....I said in the beginning....this was bs.....
"If you can see your path laid out
in front of you step by step, you know
it's not your path. Your own path you
make with every step you take. That's
why it's your path."
~ Joseph Campbell